Ducky

P æ R ä D î G M $ h ì F t

Oh, there I am.

Or ‘here’, I am?

All it took was an infuriating week of politics, processing recent trauma, and the insensitive interjection of my own flesh and blood in the midst of it all to finally overflow the dam.

I finally cried.

For the first time in a couple years.

Endless hours of rolling calmly, gently; like a wave out on the open, endless sea. Fantasizing about the moment I crest and crash; forcefully, and fantastically.

I still haven’t found shore - just some rocks; maybe an ice burg - Not quite sure what hemisphere I’m in - should I be able to tell by the stars? Wherever I am, they sure are hard to see sometimes…

The rolling will continue - but now, along a different current. A little less gently. Quite a bit more purposeful.

I tattooed my flesh with the mark of a lupine dragon devouring himself- snaking around my shoulderblade, ribs, breast, collarbone, shoulder…as his claws tear at his own flesh and face. Oroboros.

It was only a few weeks before the Goddess blessed my brand herself - by burning off my face.(I mean, what was I expecting…right?)

Exactly one week later I went off to that thing in the desert, to be reborn with dust and fire. Kinda hate that word, 'reborn’, but I suppose it’s apropro.

I have found my voice, but determined that the audience I’ve gathered is not quite ready to hear me sing. So here I am again, in my more private online journal, to sing for only myself and the few who follow me here. Who are you, few?

Are you with me, on this journey?

Where to, now?

Well, parties and nightlife are….entertaining. Art is fun. Fire is meaningful.

But I remembered today, after the catharsis that only a good cry can bring, that I have a career to cultivate, and a wizard to woo- who has been so, so patient.

So, the stars seem to be shining a little brighter. My course on this current is set.

I believe, maybe, I may soon find shore.

~Igne Natura Renovatur Integra~

seldnei:

Thank god for John Mulaney, because “That’s exactly what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking horse” is incredibly satisfying to hiss at the news.

(via slytherinmisfit)

reynabiddy:

I’ve been away from here for probably too long.

sometimes i feel i don’t ‘fit’.

sometimes i don’t feel ‘it’.

i’m working on becoming more worthy.

i’m working on making this all work for me.

whatever that means.

for a while I’ve been suffering.

trying to figure this thing out.

this thing called ‘me’.

all these things within me.

i can only hope that at the end of this all,

there’ll be somebody waiting on me.

there’ll be someone waiting for me.

hopefully, at least.